my mind is 97% rants, 3% post-rant satisfaction.

Today in the light of me bitching about religious phrases I hate, I randomly thought of another: 'God bless you', meaning I need somebody else's blessing. This thought makes me want to drown kittens in my bathtub. (Mind you, I'm experiencing a little anger management issues today. I'll explain why below.)

I'm super stressed because I didn't write an essay worth 35% of my total mark(do only British people use this word instead of 'grade'? regardless, I use it as well) in a class and as a result I had to send my Prof a 'pity me, I need to ask a favour, I haven't showered in 4 days, that's how stressed I am' email.
I signed it with, "Sincerely, International Student About to Be Deported" hoping to extract some sort of pity. Lets hope it works?

I was also thinking about how the fact that Stephenie Meyer fantasized her 'perfect guy' Edward as a guy who won't have sex with Bella for the entirety of 3 books (I didn't read the last one, snort, I have better things to be concerned with, like getting a BA degree that won't do me any good in life, mind you). And this led me to assume that, since Stephenie's dream guy is a guy who doesn't want to have sex, poor Stephenie's husband can't possibly be getting any.
This just shows, thou shall not marry crazy Mormons who can't write.

Another phrase I dislike is, "Save it for a rainy day", associating 'rain' with sadness or stress. I don't know about you but rain makes me so happy! This is probably because I'm not a very 'sun' person. (and no, I don't mean I have vampiric tendencies, even though I was into vampires in literature WAY before any of this shit came out, ever heard of Anne Rice, you cunts). I just don't like being in the sun in the same way I don't like being cuddled or spooned when I'm sleeping. Just leave me be when I'm sleeping you dickwad!

In other news, I was on the subway the other day, quite tipsy I may add, and I kept glaring at the cute guy sitting opposite of me. He kept glaring back. This went on for a while as with each stop I kept thinking: "He's gonna get off at this stop and that'll be the end of it. I wonder if he can hear the songs I'm listening to on my ipod right now? He keeps breathing in an out to the rhytm of the songs. Hmm."
If you wanna hear how this mind-numbingly capturing story went, he finally got off at his stop and gave me a final smirk and a look before disappearing. sniff. It was good while it lasted, breathing-t0-the-rhytm-of-my-songs-subway-boy.

I am a little bit of Kat Dennings, little bit of Ricky Gervais, a whole lot of Sylvia Plath, a dash of Sheldon Cooper, and a bit of Tina Fey. Just making a pointless pie chart of my personality, in case you needed the recipe.

Now I have to go take out the trash as my roommates signed Petition for Maya to Remove her Pile of Pizza Boxes from the Floor (3 signatures, I didn't sign alas I need to obey), and this calls for me to get my lazy ass all the way to the Recycling Bins. Yes, we recycle here in Canada, ain't it grand? I want to justify my messiness with, 'Nobody in Turkey cares about recycling' but nobody over here cares about my home country either.

Signed,
International Student About to be Deported (except not, that was a lie I told my Prof to get an extension on my essay.)

notes from an angry agnostic atheist

Before I begin to list and rant about some of the common phrases I absolutely detest hearing, let me assure some doubters that YES, being agnostic AND atheist is completely possible. Atheism means lack of belief, as being a theist means “I believe.” Agnosticism/gnosticism is concerned with KNOWING, as in lack of knowing: agnosticism. Hence an agnostic atheist is someone who does not believe that one is capable of KNOWING the absolute existence of a god, and also someone who doesn’t BELIEVE that there may be such an existence.

now that we got that explanation out of the way, here are 3 Religious Phrases That I Hate:

1) God works in mysterious ways. (or, ‘God is testing you.’)

This is just something that religious people say when they are perplexed by injustice or an unpleasant thing that happens. Here’s the “reasoning” behind this ridiculous phrase that I can’t help but chuckle at whenever I hear it: You believe in a God and that this God’s actions are behind everything that happens in the world, so if your sweet grandma gets run over by a truck you go ‘Oh, I don’t understand why such a horrible thing happened. but I guess God works in mysterious ways!’

No, girl…no. there IS NO secret message or intention behind what happened. If you didn’t pass a test like you thought you would, it’s because LIFE SUCKS SOMETIMES AND THE TEST WAS HARD. not, ‘God wanted me to fail this so he could teach me a lesson/perseverance/patience/etc.’ When something unexpected happens and it’s confusing, this ‘God works in mysterious ways’ phrase gets thrown in and it’s uber hilarious/ridiculous/naive/stupidly optimistic.

Also, it’s like giving your future to the hands of somebody else instead of taking charge and knowing only YOU can change it.

2) (S)he was too good for this world, and she is playing with angels up in heaven now.

I’ll address this phrase in two parts. Now I understand that you’re mourning a death and that everyone grieves in different ways, but justifying a death like this is plain stupid. it’s indeed true that LIFE SUCKS (once again) and horrible shit happens, it will keep happening, but how premature is looking at life&death in this kind of mentality?? I’ll answer that: very. Second part of this statement, the angels up in heaven thing, I won’t even address extensively because everyone has different beliefs but from a realistic POV I just want to say: CHUCKLE CHUCKLE SNORT.

PS. Knowing that when a person dies, their flesh is eaten by worms in the dirt and nothing else happens beyond that, does NOT make me a bitter or unhappy person. I’m not a person to give into wishful thinking, and think that people I love who are dead, are playing with angels jumping from one cotton candy cloud to another playing harps and eating grapes on top of rainbows. No, they’re just rotting in the ground BECAUSE THEY’RE DEAD. finito. fin. and that’s ok, because there are sad truths in life we must acknowledge. (just sayin’, not preachin’)

3) Let us pray/I’m praying for the people of Japan/Haiti/Egypt/insert location of crisis.

you’re PRAYING?!?! Oh, how reassuring. how reassuring to know that you’re not actively helping out by donating or getting involved or protesting or informing others or taking a stand, but you’re PRAYING. how helpful. simply talk to your god while people suffer, starve, get tyrannized.

This is just an excuse to sit on your lazy ass and do nothing. I’ll say it once again, if being religious means letting the weight of your actions and your future rest on anyone other than yourself, there is a problem.

End of rant. see ya in another frustrated state of mind.