Quarterlife crisis

I'm 21 years old, and I'm scared shitless of growing up, every single day.

I guess at this point I'm already considered a "grown up", and expected to act as such. That's the problematic part. I'm supposed to be getting my life together, getting my SHIT together, and tackle real life problems now. Without the help of others.

Because frankly my dear, no one gives a damn.

No one gives a damn that my toilet overflows at 3 in the morning, or that my bills are due, or I'm out of groceries, that I need to MAKE MONEY APPEAR SOMEHOW to buy things that'll ultimately possibly maybe get me a job. That I have to figure important things out. That I have to wake up every single day and not feel like throwing up at the mere thought of life ahead.

I'm frustrated that I'm going through what can only be described as a "quarter life crisis" and that everyone else seems to be coping with it much better than I am. Either that, or they're REALLY good at hiding their struggle. I'm frustrated that no one talks about how hard it is to be in your early twenties, and that no one shares their struggle. Everyone's just expected to deal with it on their own, secretly. Shame on you if you have a breakdown in the cleaning products section of the grocery store. Even old ladies will look at you with judgment and pity in their eyes, but they won't help you.

Because you're not a little kid anymore, and you have nobody's sympathy.

Every day I think, right, today will be the day I finally start using a goddamn nail clipper instead of ripping off my nails... and that'll be the day I start getting my life together. I will buy organic fucking strawberries. I will start being an adult. I will read the newspaper every day, learn how to drive, get a job. Do adult things. With every passing day, my friends around me get less and less clueless. They score great internships. They get jobs.

That's when my self-pity party of one starts, and I'm up at 3 a.m. eating a pizza, watching an entire season of Breaking Bad, with no direction in life.

I think, I COULD'VE applied for that internship myself. I have the same academic credentials. I could've gotten that gig. I could've lied my ass off at the job interview...make it look like I have it all figured out. But what comes after getting the job? The motivation to wake up every day and deliver. That's the problem.

I was so sure of what I wanted out of life when I was younger. I don't know what happened to that girl, but she was forced to grow up. I got a lot more cynical and realistic somewhere along the way. Realized that I can't be anything that I want, that the world isn't all that great, that I can't change the world, that getting what I want isn't as simple as reaching out and grabbing it. That depression is this heavy blanket of laziness covering you, that you are too weak to lift it.

Cheesecake & Christmas.....All the c words you need

I think the Lemon Cheesecake was my favourite!

Click for bigger sizes
credit if you use
Merry Christmas :)

Some more from my trip to Carole's Cheesecake Company

all my own photography!

Chocolate brownie Cheesecake.... soo delicious

Mousse cake cheesecake

I recently went to Carole's Cheesecake Company in Yorkville and wanted to share some of my food photography with you :)

So close to Christmas!!! Getting in the spirit, I'm not even Christian!

Enjoy

Red velvet cheesecake

Pistachio Cheesecake- was amazing

Check out my friend Carleigh's blog http://the-sweet-disposition.blogspot.com
She's doing a countdown to Christmas where she gives one Christmas gift recommendation per day! Annnd she's a fellow bookworm & j-schooler.
go go go

book list

Feel free to share your own favourites as a comment, or make your own book list and tag/link me in it!

I’m a little tired of giving the same exact answer to the question ‘What’s your favourite book?” all the time, so I wanted to list more favourite books off the top my head. This list is entirely for myself to keep (because I’m obsessed with making lists, pointless or otherwise) but I also thought I would share because these are all (in my opinion) life-changing, amazing books.

All time favourite book that I worship:

It’s a toss between:

Catcher in the Rye- JD Salinger (speaking of Salinger, Franny and Zooey is also wonderful)

and

The Bell Jar- Sylvia Plath (she’s my soul mate)

Other favourites:

Lullabies for Little Criminals- Heather O’Neill

A Million Little Pieces- James Frey

Everything Matters! -Ron Currie Jr

The Elegance of the Hedhehog- Muriel Barbery

Brave New World- Aldous Huxley

Prozac Nation- Elizabeth Wurtzel (I love the film version as well)

Girl, Interrupted- Susanna Kaysen (I love the film version as well)

All Chuck Palakniuk books and especially Fight Club, of course (love the film version as well)

Blindness- José Saramago (His books are amazing) (I love the film version as well)

Breakfast on Pluto- Patrick McCabe (I love the film version as well)

The Virgin Suicides- Jeffrey Eugenides (I love the film version as well)

Atonement- Ian McEwan (I love the film version as well)

Angela’s Ashes- Frank McCourt (I love the film version as well)

Perks of Being a Wallflower- Stephen Chbosky

All Paulo Coelho books but especially Veronika Decides to Die (Veronika Decide Morrer)

Story of My Life- Jay McInerney

Series off the top of my head:

Are things like the Harry Potter series and Lord of the Rings too obvious? In that case, The Hunger Games series (which is going mainstream, and I don’t wanna sound like a hipster but…it’s going mainstream FAST) and A Song of Ice and Fire series by George R. R. Martin, for Game of Thrones fans and fantasy lovers!

I usually seem togo for deep, depressing and dark books as I’m not usually a sap nor religious so I’m embarrassed to admit I love Nicholas Sparks novels but I loved

Dear John by Nicolas Sparks….but who am I kidding, his books are good (yet cheesy).

Books that made my childhood and shaped my entire life, and that I think of as adult books, and still think of to this day:

My Sweet-Orange Tree (O Meu Pé de Laranja Lima) by José Mauro de Vasconcelos, all his books are AMAZING.

and

The Little Prince (Le Petit Prince) by Antoine de Saint Exupéry

…Also, who could forget classics like Lolita and

Anna Karenina and

Little Women by Louisa May Alcott (all her books are amazing) and

Jane Eyre and

Lord of Flies?

….And much, MUCH more but these were off the top of my head. Sorry it went on longer than I expected. Sigh, I LOVE books.

quarter life crisis happenin' up in hurr.

Sometimes I'm in a club with my friends and I'm like, why am I even here? And I feel utterly out of place, which is strange because I LOVE drinking and dancing. Sometimes I don't even know where I'm headed. Which, again, is STRANGE because I've always been the kind of person who knows exactly what they want.
Wah wah, pity party of one.

True story though.